Thursday, 30 January 2014

Film is cheap, but talent is expensive

The Great American Snuff Film

Hmm, so; the 'Great' 'American' 'Snuff' 'Film', eh? Well, it's definitely...American, I suppose.

As for the rest...A more accurate title might be 'Cheap American Student Film', since it's firmly in the "We gots a camera, a scrapyard, and we know two girls willing to roll around on the floor covered in fake blood? We gots a MOVIE!" school of film-making.

In the place where a plot would normally be, we have two social rejects (thin Adam Savage and his accomplice, mid-90s WCW undercard wrestler who's taken one too many chairshots to the noggin), lots of wrecked cars, and two female friends of the production tied up on a trailer floor in shorts and tanktops.
 They (and we) waste time with clumsy molestation attempts from the lost Dudley Brother, and 'brandings' with obviously-not-lit cigarettes that leave no burn marks, while waiting for Monotone Man to cease his endless voiceover droning and get around to killing them.  It does make few feeble attempts to add in some True Crime-y details (David Parker Ray and Lake and Ng, mostly), and even claims to end (after the 'film' itself finally sputters to a halt) with some 'authentic snuff footage', but if you believe that tall tale, then I have this (guaranteed-not-swamp)land in Florida that I can sell you...

I only hope that none of these clowns has a wife/partner/mother that needed them to repaint the spare room, clear the yard or refinish the basement in the weekend this film took to make; that would be the saddest thing of all...

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